Parental responsibility:
The gateway to peace and prosperity

by Ven. K. Sri Dhammananda Maha Thera (Malaysia)

You are responsible for the well-being and up-bringing of your children. If the child grows up to be a strong, healthy and useful citizen, it is the result of your efforts. If the child grows up to be a delinquent, it is you who must bear the responsibility. Do not blame others. As parents, it is your bounden duty to guide your child on a proper path. Although there are a few incorrigible cases of juvenile delinquency, nevertheless as parents, you are responsible for the behaviour of your children.

Affection and attention

A child at its most impressionable age, needs the love, care, affection and attention of the parents. Without parental love and guidance, the child will be emotionally handicapped and will find the world a bewildering place to live in. Showering parental love does not mean pandering to all the demands of the child, reasonable or otherwise. Too much pampering would in fact spoil the child. The mother in bestowing her love and care, should also be strict and firm but not harsh, in handling the tantrums of a child. Show your love with a disciplined hand - the child will understand.

Lacking

Unfortunately all too often parental love in our present day society is sadly lacking. The rush for material advancement, and the rising aspiration for equality of the sexes, have resulted in many mothers joining their husbands in the rat race. Mothers struggle to maintian their family image or status symbol by working in offices and shops, rather than being at home tendering to the needs of their off-spring.

Deprivation

Children who are left to the care of relatives or paid servants, as well as �latch key� children who are left to their own devices at home, are often deprived of motherly love and care. The mother, feeling guilty about her lack of attention, would try to placate the child by giving in to all sorts of demands of the child. Such action only spoils the child.

Character formation

Providing the child with sophisticated modern toys that are detrimental to character formation such as tanks, machine guns, pistols, swords and the like are psychologically unwholesome. The child is unwittingly being taught to condone destruction instead of being taught to be kind, compassionate and helpful. Such a child will develop brutal tendencies as they grow up. Giving a child such toys is no substitute for a mother�s love and affection.

Dilemma

Parents are often placed in a dilemma. Rushing home from a hard day�s work the weary parents have family chores waiting upon them. When the day�s work is done, it would be time for dinner followed by TV, and whatever time there is left, is hardly enough to attend to a child�s rightful dues of perental love and affection.

Irresponsibility

With the call of women�s liberation, many women seem to think that the solution is to compete with men outside the home. Such women should consider very carefully whether to bear children. It is irresponsible for a mother to bring a life into this world and then �abandon� it. You are responsible for what you create.

Satisfaction

A child has a right to be satisfied materially, but more importantly spiritually and psychologically. The provision of material comfort is secondary compared to the provision of parental love and attention. We know of many people from poor homes who have with their meagre income, brought up children well with plenty of love, conversely, many rich people have provided every material comfort for their children, but being deprived of parental love, these children have grown up to become psychologically and morally handicapped.

�Gruhini�

Some women may feel that advising them to concentrate on the up-bringing of the family is something degrading and reflects the thinking of the old and the conservative. It is true that in the past women have been treated very badly, but this was due more to ignorance on the part of men than to an inherent weakness in women. The Sanskrit word for a housewife is �Gruhini� which literally means �leader of the house�. Certainly it does not imply that a woman is inferior. Rather it means a division of responsibility for the male and the female.

Happy and peaceful

In certain countries, many husbands hand over their pay packet to their wives who handle domestic affairs. This leaves the man free to concentrate on what he can do best. Since each partner knows clearly what his or her responsibilities are, there is no conflict between them. The atmosphere at home is happy and peaceful where their children can grow up well.

Of course, the husband must see to it that his partner is well cared for, that she is consulted on every family decision, that there is enough freedom for her to develop her own personality and that she has her own free time to pursue her personal interests. In this sense, husband and wife are equally responsible for the welfare of their family. They are not in competition with each other.

Military training

A mother should consider carefully whether she should continue as a working mother with all the attendant pitfalls or as a housewife giving all her due affection and care to her growing child. Strangely, some modern mothers, particularly in certain countries with military regimes facing a shortage of manpower, are being trained to handle guns or other weapons when they should be cuddling their children and training them to be good or law-abiding citizens.

Modern attitude

The modern attitude of working mothers towards their children tends to erode the time-honoured filial piety which children are expected to uphold. The replacement of breast-feeding by bottle feeding is yet another cause. Hitherto, when mothers used to breast-feed and cuddle babies in their arms, the tender affection between mother and child becomes much greater. A breast feeding mother, through her maternal instinct, often experiences a tremendous satisfaction from knowing she is providing the baby, as nature has intended, with something of her very own which no one else can give. The influence a mother has on the child thus grows and becomes much more pronounced. Under such circumstances, filial piety, family cohesion and obedience are invariably present.

Mother�s responsibility

These traditional traits are for the good and the well-being of children.It is up to the parents, especially the mother to provide them with love, care and affection as their rightful dues. The mother is responsible for the child being good or wayward. The mother can thus reduce juvenile delinquency. At the highest level of thinking, you can see things as they are, not as you are. Then you know that you are responsible for everything.

�Those who lead their lives by going against nature, must face the consequences either physically or mentally.�

(Courtesy - Vesak Sithivili: 2535-1991).